FEARS CAN KILL YOU

 HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR FEARS?

Day by day I was becoming weaker and weaker with my own fears . Sometimes it’s my personal life and sometimes unnecessary luggage used to kill my creativity . 

My family was disturbed due to my change of behaviour. My outburst over little issues were becoming an hectic routine . 

Then one night I thought , what I’m doing ? 

Bothering unnecessarily ? 

Killing my loveliness? 

Killing my family life ? 

Moreover killing my sleep over people who take sadistic pleasure by hurting others . 

Allah had created all of us an independent souls then why do we bound ourselves under the umbrella of scariness, ? 

 No ….. shhhhh stop … 

My innermost innate nature warned me that I’was always a brave lady ? Lady with grace and intelligence. 

My mind gave me a SHUTOUT to SHUT UP … 

Whispered …. Go and live and May Allah bless you  with your original self … 

Whispered again … shhhh .. LIVE

“ let people say what they say , you take your magic wand and change the world .. not the world let you change !!!

Sumera …. You change the world … use your wings to fly hard and wild ! 

Appearances Are Deceptive…..A Hypocrisy!

Meeting people for the first time we always tend on making a judgment based on their appearances. Appearances are really deceptive, The shimmering surface of a lake glowing in the evening sun, may inspire and be liked by us with its beauty. But hidden beneath its surface may be lying an ugly blanket of toxic waste. On the other hand, spilled waste of a tanker in the middle of an ocean can hide beneath it a beautiful life.

My focus is just simple that we judge people only by their appearances. Regardless what are they really in their lives.We tend to pretend more to show up people that how much we are accurate. If we take Hijab we are more pious?  Or if we offer prayers five times we fulfill the criteria of being a perfect Muslims.? Sadly we use Islam as a concubine as well.

What made me write this this short article was my personal experience. And I was badly hurt and felt deep inside that in our society only appearance matters but not FAITH. How sad & ironical as well.

Once I posted a good write up by some known writer about Hijab. It impressed me and I posted it on my FACEBOOK. One of my very good friends commented on it that it’s a hypocrisy that if I dont take Hijab then I have no right to show up the good points about it. I was surprised. Why not? And they said that it’s a hypocrisy. You should look like it first and then comment like that. What did that mean. ? Am I not a Muslim? And if I don’t take Hijab or Abbya I cant write anything on such issues? Comments were there at my wall about it but I was quite surprised and shocked at people’s outcome.

For me my faith matters no way I have any right to say or blame on others about they do or what they do not. If a woman takes Hijab.Its their decision. I appreciate such women and regard them but CANT write about it because I don’t take or cover my head? This is the only point came into my mind. Some people even judge someone to be intellectually inferior to themselves simply because they share another opinion. I do not agree with such thoughts, things are not always what they appear to be. The drunk sleeping on the sidewalk across the street may be an exhausted construction worker taking a afternoon nap. The stupid student may be a bright, but poor child that is too caught up with problems at home to focus on the words of his teacher. And the person that just stares and smiles at me when I ask him for directions may be a foreigner that doesn't understand the language and culture.

But I disagree, some individuals are gifted and talented with deception, charm and charisma. They hide behind a mask, they might seem as the nicest person in the world, but they can also be the most dangerous people to encounter. (our Islamic clergymen /  Our politicians are the perfect example who lead us to believe that they are working for the people they represent.  On closer scrutiny we find that their main motivation is to praise themselves.)

I have seen many religious people who offers five times but they don’t know what is humanity. I have seen many such women unfortunately who take Hijab/Abaya, but they are doing what are expected to be done by those generally who don’t take them. Isn't HYPOCRISY?

And I have also observed many who are not that religious but living a balance life. Women who look modern but they know their limits. So what’s the CRITERIA basically.
 Why Perception and Reality Don't Always Match Up?

ONLY have faith in your belief  with your positive thinkings….

Because------------->

A Bad weather always looks worse through a window. …Isn’t ?
Anonymous

We are enjoying our rights as women….?

Let’s have a look

7 ridiculous restrictions on women’s rights around the world

Rothna Begum, a researcher who tracks women’s rights in the Middle East and North Africa for the advocacy group Human Rights Watch.

But she adds that, especially in Saudi Arabia, “things are modernizing.” Really…?

1.      India (some parts): Road safety rules don’t apply to women. In some states of India, women are excepted from safety rules that mandate motorcycle passengers wear helmets -- an exemption that kills or injures thousands each year. Women’s rights advocates have argued the exemption springs from a culture-wide devaluation of women’s lives. Supporters of the ban say they’re just trying to preservewomen’s carefully styled hair and make-up -- which isn’t exactly a feminist response.

2.     2. Yemen: A woman is considered only half a witness. That’s the policy on legal testimony in Yemen, where a woman is not, to quote a 2005 Freedom House report, “recognized as a full person before the court.” In general, a single woman’s testimony isn’t taken seriously unless it’s backed by a man’s testimony or concerns a place or situation where a man would not be. And women can’t testify at all in cases of adultery, libel, theft or sodomy.

3.     3. Saudi Arabia and Vatican City: Women can’t vote... still. This is amazingly the case in Saudi Arabia, though a royal decree, issued in 2011, will let women vote in Saudi elections in 2015. Vatican City is the only other country that allows men, but not women, to vote.

4.     4. Ecuador: Abortion is illegal, unless you’re an “idiot.” Begum says this is the policy in Ecuador, where abortions have long been outlawed for everyone but “idiots” and the “demented.” Politicians are considering a policy with the more politely worded term “mentally ill,” but that won’t change abortion’s legal status in Ecuador -- or, more importantly, the fact that the law is frequently used to criminalize miscarriages.

5.     5. Saudi Arabia and Morocco: Rape victims can be charged with crimes.Many, many countries fail to protect the victims of rape, but some go a step further -- punishing women for leaving the house without a male companion, for being alone with an unrelated man, or for getting pregnant afterwards. The most infamous case may be Saudi Arabia’s “Qatif girl,” but a recent suicide in Morocco also made headlines -- 16-year-old Amina Filali killed herself after a judge forced her to marry her alleged rapist, in keeping with a policy that invalidates statutory rape charges if the parties marry.

6.     6. Yemen: Women can’t leave the house without their husbands’ permission. Yemen, where this law remains in force, does allow for a few emergency exceptions, Begum says: if the woman must rush out to care for her ailing parents, for instance.

7.     7. Saudi Arabia: Women can't drive.  The good news? According to the World Economic Forum’s most recent gender gap report, equality has made “modest” gains in the Middle East. And Begum, of Human Rights Watch, says there’s lots of agitation for more change.

8.    “Women in Saudi Arabia are highly educated and qualified,” she said. “They don’t want to be left in the dark.”

Now Please read it….which killed me from inside….

( Desperately unhappy, 21-year-old Sahe Fidan left the husband she despised and sought refuge in her parents' home. They refused to take her in. A married woman can leave her husband only in a coffin, they told her. Fidan returned to the husband, and she left him in a coffin. A few weeks ago, she was found hanged in the bathroom, her infant son strapped to her back with a sheet. Her corpse was discovered when the baby, unharmed, began to cry. Fidan had committed suicide. Or had she? )

I will be more likely to conclude this ........

“There are two powers in the world; one is the sword and the other is the pen. There is a great competition and rivalry between the two. There is a third power stronger than both, that of the women.”
― Muhammad Ali Jinnah

 Written & composed by :

Sumera @MIR

https://twitter.com/SumeraNematAli

http://peacetocome.blogspot.com/

 

An untold story of a Muslim woman (when did she cry?)

This is a story narrated by someone I had a brief opportunity to meet. For some reason she picked me as we were sitting in a crowded waiting room of a doctor. She and I both knew our turn was more than an hour away and so we got talking. I talked about family and how blessed we are that our rights are spelled out in Islam. She half smiled and said that all men are the same that you just haven't crossed that bridge. I asked why you say that and in return she asked if she told her story would I tell her what Islam advises her? I wanted to avoid getting into her personal life but I could see she couldn't keep it anymore inside her. I suppose everyone has a breaking point.  She started telling me from the time she was in college.

Being born in a typical conservative and land holding Pakistani family, she was a girl who was loved by her parents and educated in one of the the best institutions for women in her city, but was bound by rules and severe barriers to opinions or desires. To say 'No' to what were the wishes of elders was unimaginable under any condition. It wouldn't be wrong to say that she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Except freedom was omitted. 

Being the only sister of three younger brothers, the daughter of  a mother who hailed from the mountains and a father who was well educated and running his own business, she could live but not breath…she didn't say that she was deprived of her basics rights but yes, deprived of freedom to do what she wanted.

Reading a lot and a desire to do justice to everyone she had wanted to be a lawyer. But she was also interested in the Arts and loved clothes and jewelry, so also wanted to be a designer. Everyone would say she was beautiful and attractive in every way; deep in her heart she wanted to be in the media, maybe play act or host a program. But who would tell her parents what she wanted? At least she couldn't and being brought up alone as a girl -- all her extended family living far away -- she had no idea how to approach her case. So she didn't, or rather couldn't. No girl had gone out to work in the family. It was not the tradition. 

She was graduating when she heard that a proposal for her was being accepted. Seemed they were well off and educated and had a respectable family background and so and so; only no one bothered to ask her if she liked him or if she had any objection. Only when her future mother-in-law put a laddoo in her mouth did she start thinking something new was beginning to happen in her life. 

Nobody had showed her a photograph; on engagement they had sat side by side like robots and she saw that both families were very joyful and excited, especially her family because for them this was an unusual event, the first wedding in the family. 

It was a most expensive affair. All functions were at the big hotels. People were astonished at the grandeur of it. Her father was the happiest person. He was the father of only one daughter so nothing should be spared in showing off. It was the same for her in-laws who were marrying off their youngest son. It was not an ordinary thing for both families.

She was looking gorgeous, everyone said. A mixture of innocence and beauty whom every one was appreciating. Perhaps nazar lag gaee.

Did she cry when on the wedding night her husband came to her drunk? No. Munn dikhai? no way; had forgotten So just put money in her purse, appreciated her. She was feeling some kind of bad smell...but couldn't recognise what it was as in her family drinking was far away, nobody even smoked. Even speaking the word sharab was considered haram.

Did she cry when at some point she pushed him away and he slapped her?….No, she didn't. Did she cry when next morning, she wanted to meet her parents with  a smile..but her heart was bleeding…No. Because she was a brave daughter of her father. She had to put her brothers stature up by doing all that would make them hear that their sister is incredible, lovable, caring…as she used to be at home withthem. They were her shadow. 

Did she cry when her husband told her that she won't meet her parents because now she was his property? And that if she had to go then just for an hour. No she didn't cry. Her parents had said “jaissy wo khush rakhy wassy hee rehna.” 

She forgot that she was a woman; only a robot. Her in-laws were good though, all were abroad except her mother-in law.

Her husband would tell her that he loved her and would leave drinking if she will support him. She hugged him and promised, yes, she was with her. But that day never came.He used to break his promises; every night was a nightmare but she was unable to tell anyone just because her parents would be hurt. Also, they had spent so much on the wedding…she couldn't put it all at risk…her husband would be fine with her caring attitudes, she thought. 

And he became well even...left drinking when heard the news of her being pregnant. She was happy...yes she was very happy…and prayed to Allah that now her husband will be changed. But after few days he again started having it and one night when she asked him not to drink he pushed her away for her to fall on the sofa. As she was six months pregnant she felt pain. But Allah ka shukar every thing was fine. He apologized to her, knelt in front of her…begged her, cried in front of her. She said its OK...everything will be all right.

After the birth of her daughter..things went better...though she wasn't allowed to meet her parents freely, only occasionally…with time restrictions. But she didn't complain...was she a brave girl? No. She was dumb...silly.

His behavior with her parents and brothers were not as courteous as it should have been. But her parents used to think that if their daughter is happy…it didn't matter to them. 

No body took her to be a human. So she kept it all in her heart.

She conceived her second baby soon after her first child. But her husband wanted to have a gap between children and insisted on abortion. She was shocked. Abortion? No way..she wouldn't do it. First time he had asked she had said no…but he took her to the doctor. When the doctor started taking her towards operation theater she ran away to the other room crying desperately saying "No,no." 

Yes, at that time she cried...and her husband slapped her in front of the doctor. She was his family doctor and soothed her. She asked him to come again and not to force her. 

He threw her in the car and pulled on her hair asking why she had refused? They came back home and he called her parents that their daughter is misbehaving. Her father came and when he heard everything, he only told my husband that if she goes for an abortion and something happens to her daughter he would be responsible. And he will not leave him ever as it is legally not allowed.

That night when her husband realized that now her father was involved he again apologized to her...cried sitting at her feet…cringing to her. Its our life, he said to her…to please think that they wont be able to take care of another child when the 1st baby is too small. Some financial crisis was also there. She came into his words again. 

She went to the doctor...and did it..and she cried….yes, she cried. But he was happy…because she had listened to him. Time crawled…he used to drink often...some times more, some times less...love, affection, hate...all were there at the same time; all were a dilemma.

She was busy with her baby. When she turned 4 she asked him to have a baby, as she was fond of babies. He refused...now now, he would say. But when her mother-in-law said so, he agreed. She soon expected her 2nd child and was very happy. She became more beautiful, some kind of divine light was reflecting on her face and she used to glow.

She gave birth again to another daughter. The child was as beautiful as an angel, with brown eyes and hair and white complexion…the whole hospital was there to see her…she was blessed.

Soon after her birth her husband got sick. He was diagnosed with TB...because of his drinking. She cried and cried like anything…because she loved him. Yes, he was the only man in her life before and after marriage. The doctor said he would be on steroids…would be a six months course and would be fine. He said to just stay away from him...though he didn't have cough or anything like that, only some symptoms. But she refused to leave him. 

She took him to the most expensive hospital of the city…spent all her money…even sold some jewelry. She stayed with him in the hospital; her small daughters were with her mother-in-law. The doctor was surprised the way she was taking care of him. She prayed to Allah that she just wanted her husband...to please let him be with her. At that time she got an offer from a TV channel. But she refused...because her husband didn't like the idea.

Then within a month her husband was well...because she gave him her full attention with proper food, care, medicines. He had recovered, all was well…and she was happy too.

She also owned property, which he later on sold by saying that it was for some some business investment; then sold her new car…her jewelry...and all she did was to bow in front of him…WHY...was she dumb? Ignorant? Too Islamic? or did she love him?

Money didn't concern her…she even sold her land for him...gave everything she had. Then Allah gave her another news...of a son. In her joy, she forgot all and eventually gave birth to a healthy child. Time went on, every one used to say...there was no one like her, that she is incredible. But her heart...what did her heart say?

Then her husband was diagnosed with ulcer…chronic ulcer. She was again with him…went through all the treatments...day and night..suffered. Again he was cured and became healthy again.

She didn't think for herself for even half a second...that she was human too. She was in the habit of giving. In short she spent all…just to make people happy.

She conceived again. She wanted to have that baby. But again he took her to the doctor saying that three kids are enough…no more. She waited for some miracle this time. But no...he did it again. She had killed her two babies in her own womb. She cried…yes, she cried.

He appreciated her...loved her…shopped for her and all that. Her lips were sealed. Because she loved her kids and husband. He used to love his kids…in fact more than that...so she compromised.

Then one night he had a heartache around 3 in the night...she rushed him to the hospital. The doctor took all measures...and said if she had been a few minutes late anything could have happened. In her desperation, she had driven her car without slippers…she couldn't see her husband in pain.

He went through angioplasty...two stunts…and she was again with him. No one came...because no one was there.

She started doing a job...took her car. Later on he sold it too...she was angry a bit. Things got worse when he demanded love from her. LOVE…yes, she used to love him more than any body else…

The kids grew up...she was a little relaxed and wanted some time for herself. And he demanded love…after torturing her in front of her parents and in-laws, he was expecting love. For the first time in her life she said 'NO'...she will spend money on herself and kids. She got an offer from a fashion house...he refused again. At that time she was unable to take a decision...because her father refused her permission as well. She remained quiet and killed her heart.

Things started getting worse when her husband started using abusive language for her...because she was asking for some rights. The moment she asked for these she was seen as a bad woman….he exploited her...her reputation...everything. 

She started thinking. She felt that she had lost love…for him.

When she at last told everything to her parents after 21 years of marriage…they blamed her as to why didn't she tell them before? 

So she cried even more…no one could understand her.

She couldn't keep her marital relations with him...she started running from his presence. He was angry…started suspecting that she may be involved with someone else. She as furious at the accusation. But she was busy in her job and didn't bother; she had stopped bothering by now.

Then after a long time, a man actually came into her life. Yes...she admitted. She confessed that he made her feel like a woman...which she had forgotten…in her family crisis…

She tried her best to make him happy…because he had introduced her to her own feelings…but...

And she cried, yes…

She wants to leave this country…for ever…because she realized that every man is the same…some more, some less.

People would tell her she was lovable…and she would laugh…..instead of crying.

That was her her story. I couldn't speak and had tears in my eyes. She asked me what I suggest? I had no answer. What should I have advised her when now she can stand alone...her parents are now willing to but kids are grown up.?

What does Islam say…?